Senioritis

Right now, I am probably amongst millions of high school seniors and fourth-year undergrads, on the home stretch toward graduation and suffering from senioritis.  I don't know if I technically count as a senior in my third year of grad school, but I am suffering from all of the same symptoms.

I recently realized that I have been in school part or full time non-stop for seven years.  First, I was going part time finishing my undergraduate degree.  Then I doubled to full time to finish it out quickly.  A few short months later, I was back in school for my graduate program and have hardly had a break, my weekends often being filled with studies, my brain filled with research studies on team dynamics, financial calculations, theories on business stratgies and deadlines.

I find it harder and harder to push forward.  Fatigue is setting in, frustration, and quite simply, a lack of desire.  I am pooped out.  I can't wait to be done.

But a little flutter of ambition kindles within me when I think of soon being able to put the letters MSM behind my name.  The image of my degree hanging alongside my other on the wall.  And the thought of a hard goal well pursued and duly earned.

I feel like this is a common struggle when achieving any major goal.  You pursue heartily for a long time and as you near the end, even though you can see the light, it just can't get here soon enough.  It's like seeing an oasis but fearing you will die of thirst before you arrive.

I am scheduled to graduate in August (and sooner, if I can find the strength to double up somewhere in the meantime) and after all these long years to see the light is a wonderful thing.  But just like losing the last 5lbs, or the last quarter mile of the race, it takes every ounce of strength within me.

I remember 17 year old me, nearing high school graduation, feeling the same itch to be done, the same conflict between fatigue and excitement, and I realize that 17 years and a couple degrees hasn't changed me very much at all!

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