Written by Design

Twice in the last two weeks I have somehow ended up in conversations with Uber drivers about how I buy all my clothes second hand. Sometimes new with tags, but at steeply discounted prices. This has been a huge cost savings to me while permitting me to have seriously one of the largest personal wardrobes you can imagine (I could wear a different outfit everyday for a year...at least!). I buy almost all of my clothes on eBay. Anything that is "safe" to buy and wash second hand I try to find used rather than pay retail price. My favorite eBay buy are sheath dresses for work. I have tons of them (no less than 40) and I paid a fraction of retail. Almost all of my workout clothes, brand names like Under Armour leggings and Victoria's Secret sports bras, many in absolutely brand new condition, bought second hand and for much less the cost. Jeans - every single pair of jeans I own I bought second hand. I am hard on jeans (on the rare occasion that I wear them), and I hate

I have been asked this question a lot recently in regards to my fitness goals/strength training: why do you want to be so strong? To be honest, the first time it was asked I thought it was such a poor question that I struggled even to answer. What do you mean why? Why wouldn't I? Then I realized my response was as weak as the question, and didn't illustrate anything about my purpose or my passion. So instead I said: I want to be as strong on the outside as I am on the inside. That is empowering to me. I have accomplished difficult things and endured difficult things through much the same process as I have with weight lifting - perseverance, patience, consistency and discipline. From coping with grief to getting a masters degree to publishing a book, I have used these qualities to build strength to accomplish and overcome. I know that I am someone people call on when they have a crisis or urgent need because I am capable, poised and competent. I am strong, on the inside.

I feel sort of vulnerable writing about this. I don't have a ton of insecurities, and I focus on overcoming my insecurities, especially the ones that are just inside my head. However, I have had people make comments recently and over the years on this topic. People say, "I am scared to go to the gym." Some are scared because they are overweight and afraid of being judged. Some are scared because they don't know how to use equipment or what to do. Some are scared people will speak to them. Some are scared people will not speak to them. The reasons are pretty diverse. My answer is pretty much consistent: no one is going to get on your case or judge you at the gym, and if they do, they  are the one with the issue. Don't let it stop you from doing what you want. However, my response is somewhat rooted in my own personal current and ongoing sense of gymtimidation. Yes, I have had gym memberships for most of the last 18 years. I have been to hundreds, maybe over a

Now that I am the nearing middle aged married woman of so many years (please insert a laugh in your mind at this point, because I am certain no one sees me this way), I have friends confide in me what they are looking for in a mate themselves. Men and women both, I am the safe, conversational, direct married matron who holds nothing back! I am laughing again, by the way. My mom, who has now been widowed several years and is available, has said the men she encounters are similar to the ones who ask me for advice. Invariably, these men are all looking for similar things in women: fit, attractive, strong work ethic, independent, kind and driven. And women, what do they want? Pretty much something similar. There are always variables. But no one ever says, "I want a mediocre, somewhat lazy, unhealthy and unfit person who is desperate and has nothing interesting to say." Seriously. And then I take a deep breath, try to refrain from lifting and eyebrow and I say, "and