Attracting The Types of People You're Attracted To!

Now that I am the nearing middle aged married woman of so many years (please insert a laugh in your mind at this point, because I am certain no one sees me this way), I have friends confide in me what they are looking for in a mate themselves. Men and women both, I am the safe, conversational, direct married matron who holds nothing back!

I am laughing again, by the way.

My mom, who has now been widowed several years and is available, has said the men she encounters are similar to the ones who ask me for advice.

Invariably, these men are all looking for similar things in women: fit, attractive, strong work ethic, independent, kind and driven.

And women, what do they want? Pretty much something similar. There are always variables. But no one ever says, "I want a mediocre, somewhat lazy, unhealthy and unfit person who is desperate and has nothing interesting to say." Seriously.

And then I take a deep breath, try to refrain from lifting and eyebrow and I say, "and what do you think your ideal mate is also looking for in their partner?"

And their response tells me they have never considered this before.

Look, this may be controversial, but the fact remains - you have to make yourself attractive to the type of people you are trying to attract. You can't be a lay about with nothing of interest to say or do and expect to attract a fascinating mate (this goes for women also!).

Oh, another Frasier scene is coming to mind. Roz is meeting a date at the coffee shop, and in a series of funny and unrelated events, he is buying the coffee for Martin. And after literally spending a few dollars on a coffee he says to Martin, "You can owe me on the coffee, and I flipped a quarter in the tip jar."

Roz rolls her eyes and says, "I'll be home early."

Whatever had attracted her to this guy, Roz was now put off. This is the real world (I don't think I would have even proceeded with that date myself!).

The point of this is - yes, all people are worthy and have value. But if you are trying to attract someone fit, attractive, successful, hard working, driven, charitable, kind, generous, great sense of humor, well read, curious, interesting or insert any number of other great qualities here, you have to possess some qualities that attract people like that. You need to work on you.

And when you invest in yourself and develop attractive qualities and behaviors, you'll attract similar types of people.

But for the sake of my dear mother, please do not be a poorly groomed, overweight and unemployed man telling people he just can't settle for anything less than slim, successful and pretty. And this is no joke, she says she sees this often!