Being Real With Mom

As it is Mother's Day, I am reminded of a funny Frasier moment (of course!) where Frasier walks in on Roz while she talks to her mother on the phone. She is candidly discussing her sex life and then as she hangs up she says, "okay, bye Mom!" Frasier is shocked that Roz would be so candid with her mother, and then turns jealous when he realizes his relationship with his father lacks that same authenticity and openness.

I am grateful that I have a candid relationship with my mom. Not long ago, someone responded in surprise when they realized my mom follows me on Instagram and can see all my posts (which implies they are more shocking than they are!). Of course my mom can see my posts. She's a grown woman, and not only that but a hippie from way back. Pretty sure I cannot shock her!

But truthfully, it's ridiculous to feel like I need to make my mom think I am some perfect, angelic kid like I tried to do when I was twelve. I am almost thirty-seven years old. I hope I'm mature enough to not feel like I have to keep stuff from my mom.

That is, I don't share every single detail of my life with anyone. There are things that remain private to myself. There are things that remain confidential within individual relationships. But as far as details about my life that I would share with a girlfriend, I am not super worried about sharing those with my mom, either.

In fact, and while I still afford her the respect she is owed as my parent, I have a great friendship with my mom that has been forged through the many phases or our relationship. It's true, I did not feel this candid with her when I was fifteen (though she'd be surprised and please to know I was a lot more candid with her than she thought I was being!). But we no longer have the same dynamic we did when I was fifteen. Back then, she was trying to ensure I grew up decently and with an eye on my potential as a person. Now, we mutually share in one another's joys, successes and sorrows, providing advice when asked, relating like two grown women.

This is not to say my mom is thrilled with every single behavior of mine. I know sometimes she rolls her eyes at me! But even then, my mom and I respect one another enough as adults to let each other just be who we are. We are in different phases or life, and in fact, we are living very non-parallel lives in some ways. When my mom was my age, she had to provide for four children and a husband. I will never relate to that phase of her life and she probably can't imagine being in her late thirties with as much freedom and lack of responsibility as I have. And now, she is enjoying her adult children, watching her grandchildren grow up, enjoying life and financial freedom in a way she couldn't when she was younger - and when I reach the age she is now, I will still not comprehend her life as it is now.

And that is the joy of our mothers. They raise us and sacrifice for us and put up with so much when we are young, but if that is done well, when we are grown they can be our friends, our confidants, and someone we are happy to share life with!

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